She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
