As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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