Im at strip club and am horny
3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
