I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
