no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
