I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
