she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
