Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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