Rock
Scissors
Fuck
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
