Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
