LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
