woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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