Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
