you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
