who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
