I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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