who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Randomize
