At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
