I want to walk on stilts...naked
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
