Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Can i not drive my cunt home
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
