Well douche your snatch and let's go!
im six kinds of drunk right now
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
