I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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