I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
