You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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