He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
