It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
