...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
