my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize