I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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