he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
ugly people sure do ruin things
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
