I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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