Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
