The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
