For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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