You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
