oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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