I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
