I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
