how can u be prego again
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize