I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Randomize
