I'd wear matching sweaters with you
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize