how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
