I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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