I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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