I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize