Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
