i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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