Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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