ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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