Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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