At least make sure they are 18
Why
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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