it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
