I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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