i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize