I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
that may or may not have been my penis.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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