I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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