Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
