Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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