He kissed a someone with a penis
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
