sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
