Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
