I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
