My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
