I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
