Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
