I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
