She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize