If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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