My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
