ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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