It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
