So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
