didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize