Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
